Breakups are tough, no matter the circumstances. Whether it was expected or a surprise, whether you ended it or were on the receiving end, the pain is real. It might seem overwhelming now, but you can and will move past this difficult time. While it’s tempting to dwell on negative emotions, doing so only prolongs the hurt.
Instead, consider these constructive ways to cope, as recommended by relationship experts. Healing won’t happen overnight, but changing your perspective and developing healthy habits can help you move on and embrace life once again.
Admit You’re Hurting
“The first step to moving on is admitting you’re hurting,” advises Gigi Engle, a relationships expert and author. “You can’t let go of your sadness if you don’t even accept that it’s there.” Suppressing your emotions only buries them, allowing them to grow and eventually resurface in more harmful ways.
Many men have been conditioned to view emotional expression as a weakness. However, ignoring your feelings is far more detrimental. Acknowledging your sadness is crucial, regardless of the relationship’s length. Recognizing the loss allows you to begin the healing process.
Challenge Negative Thoughts
“If you’re always thinking, ‘I was too clingy’ or ‘I was too sensitive,’ question the story you’re telling yourself about the relationship,” suggests social psychologist Lauren Howe, Ph. D. Relationships end for various reasons, such as timing or mismatched readiness for commitment. Altering your internal narrative can help you regain control and hasten recovery.
Limit Contact with Your Ex
It’s vital to minimize contact with your ex. Block or mute them on social media platforms like Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram, even if temporarily. This helps curb the impulse to reach out and shields you from their updates, which could trigger feelings of jealousy or bitterness. A cooling-off period is essential for transitioning from romantic to platonic feelings.
Write It Out
Consider writing about the breakup-what went wrong, your mistakes, and lessons learned. Spend 30 minutes a day on this exercise, as psychologist Gary Lewandowski, Ph. D., suggests. Focusing on positives, such as newfound freedom and insights for future relationships, can lead to a calmer, more empowered mindset.
Seek Support
Resist the urge to isolate yourself. “Admitting you have feelings is powerful and shows maturity,” says Engle. Talk to friends who can offer support, but avoid constant negativity about your ex. If needed, consider therapy to gain perspective and prevent repeating past patterns. Seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
Avoid Reckless Behavior
Pre-pandemic, a typical response to breakups involved hitting bars and seeking distractions. While this option is less available now, it may ultimately benefit your well-being. Engle notes that while partying might offer temporary relief, it can impede genuine healing. Allow yourself to grieve and confront the pain rather than numbing it.
Embrace Nature
A Rutgers study likens the aftermath of romantic rejection to cocaine withdrawal. Allow time to clear your mind. Engage with nature through hiking, camping, or other outdoor activities. A Finnish survey found that time spent in nature enhances emotional well-being.
Learn and Grow
Though it may not feel like it now, this experience will teach you valuable lessons. When you’re ready to date again, you’ll have a clearer understanding of what you seek in a relationship and a stronger sense of self. “Don’t dwell on regrets,” Engle advises. “Every experience shapes us into better versions of ourselves.”
Move Forward
There’s no set timeline for getting over a breakup; it varies for everyone. When you’re ready to date again, avoid discussing your ex with new partners. “Finding other partners is helpful,” says Lewandowski. While there’s no perfect solution, entering a new, meaningful relationship often aids in moving past a previous one.
Maintain Emotional Distance
To heal, maintain emotional distance from your ex. Anne Gilbert, M. D., suggests going cold turkey unless circumstances, like shared children, prevent it. In such cases, treat your ex as a cordial roommate, keeping interactions businesslike and brief. As you heal, you may consider rekindling a friendship, but initially, setting boundaries is crucial.